Let's be clear. I'm not slovenly, and I'm not a raging tomboy, but I think it's fair to say that I'll never be mistaken for a fashion or style maven. Ever. It's just too much effort. I can clean up reasonably well, but I'll never be counted among, for example, the leggings mafia that currently is swarming NYC. Don't get me wrong, those gals look great in their semi-pantless, giant sweater, elaborately scarved getups. But I'm too lazy, and too cheap to bother with things that will look ridiculous three years from now. Plus, I have these things called "curves" and an "ass," which just precludes the whole thing.
Which is why it's semi-hysterical that my makeup artist/hairstylist friend Cassandra Kenendy featured me in, of all things, a beauty blog. She made me up right purty for the wedding of my friends Bryan and Emily. Bryan and Emily, being the artsy sorts, had their awesome, rock and roll wedding at the Williamsburg music venue Public Assembly, which is unspeakably cool. Emily encouraged the ladies to "dress to get noticed." So, this one time, I figured I'd comply. With a vengeance. We just went Rita Hayworth on this thing. Or Rita Hayworth goes to Billyburg. Elbow-length gloves, my old slinky black prom dress (god bless you Weight Watchers and everything you stand for), crippling silver heels, and black eyeliner. A lot of black eyeliner. Like, still-wearing-it-at-the-laundromat-the-next-day-after-four-attempts-to-remove-it amounts of eyeliner.
How did it turn out? Check out
CK's blog, and judge for yourself:
Oh, okay, sneak freakin' preview:
And to think, when I first met Cassandra when I was a 22-year-old new hire she described me as slinking awkwardly around the office "like Gollum in a twin set." Upgrade.