Thursday, March 31, 2011

Ackloo: Haters Gonna Hate

Voicemail from a fan. Explicit language. Terrible accents.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Deep-Fried Cadbury Cream Eggs Will Save The World

I got bat mitzvahed when I was 26. Why? Don't worry about it. That's not the point right now. The relevant point is that when you're bat mitzvahed at 26, you don't get a bigass party with a theme and T-shirts and Motown bands and a buttload of presents. You get some nice candlesticks, a lovely dinner, and a nearly lethal amount of whiskey courtesy of your enabling sibling. Really, I don't know why more people don't do it this way. But my bro felt bad that I missed out on the present thing, so he asked what I wanted. And I told him that there was one thing I wanted more than anything in the world: a deep-fryer.

And yea, verily, I was called to the Torah, and a deep-fryer was presented unto me. And it was good. It was so, so good.

Deep-Fryer and I have had a lot of fun in the ensuing years. But today we really took our relationship to the next level. I was puttering around in the kitchen, making chocolate beignets. These consist of chocolate chips wrapped in puff pastry dough and tossed in the deep-fryer. And they are badass. I had one more pastry square left, and I spied on the counter a little seasonal treat I picked up at the Duane Reade...a Cadbury cream egg.


I wrapped the egg in a dough square. I rolled it in my hands to make it smooth. And I tossed the sucker in the oil for four minutes.

This is what came out:

And this is what was inside of that:

What are the ramifications of making Easter treats in a bat mitzvah fryer? DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. I mean, do you see this? LOOK AT THIS. This is deep-fried perfection. This is a holy thing. This is a bridging of cultures that can only lead to a better world.

Pluralism never tasted so good. One love, y'all. One oily, chocolatey love.