Sunday, October 21, 2007

Memo to the Philadelphia Eagles

Dear Philadelphia Eagles:

I know it's been a turbulent season so far, but I learned two mindblowing things today that could help turn things around.

The first thing I learned is that a standard professional football field is really 100 yards long, not 80! So when you get to your opponents 20 yard line, you actually have to keep going for it to really make a difference! I know, right?!? That's how you get those awesome 6 point things called touchdowns. Now we know! Don't worry if you forget. The next time you wander aimlessly into the red zone (that's those last 20 yards. Crazy!), I'll remind you by yelling really really loud at the TV for you to keep going.

The other thing I learned is that a regulation length football game is a whopping 60 minutes of play time. Not, as previously thought, 55 minutes of dicking around before you actually have to start doing something. I know that makes things a little tougher, but now that we have that cleared up, I imagine you'll score a lot more points!

I hope that helps a little. And remember, the Pittsburgh Steelers won the Super Bowl in 2006 on a 10-6 record, so it's all good! And I don't want to get rid of Donovan. Like millions of other deluded women, I love my abuser.

Gotta go, guys! Love and kisses,


Saturday, October 20, 2007

Support Your Local Rockstar Classmate (and Bring Galoshes)

I think it's fair to say that I've settled in nice and cozylike to the new PR gig at RESULTS. At the very least, I'm assuming they have confidence in my abilities based on the fact that my workload shot up like a mother after Congress got into session. The professional highlight of the past six weeks was the coordination of a press conference call with Nobel Peace Prize winner Muhammad Yunus. True, it was just a conference call, and Mr. Yunus was about 200 miles away in NYC at the time, but I still think I'm moving up in the world.

Not content to keep my public relations activities confined to business hours, I've devoted a fair amount of free time this past week to drumming up support for Council Rock homeboy turned indie-rock-superstar-to-be Shwa Losben, who played Iota in Arlington last night. Shwa's a nice boy from Holland, Pa. who did an impressive turn at American University and then made the rather ballsy decision to become a full-time singer-songwriter. And durned if he isn't brilliant at it. He's toured fairly constantly for about three years now, built a nice following in DC, and moved himself up to NYC last year. Last night, I assembled a modest crew and had a proper night out at the Shwa show, staying out until the outrageous hour of 1:45 a.m.

The only lowlight of the evening was the fact that I seemed to be one of the only clubgoers who got caught in a torrential downpour walking from the car to the venue -- so my bedraggled, soaked, mascara-smeared entrance among the nicely coiffed and attired hip young things of Northern Virginia was somewhat less than dignified. Happily, everybody's friends at a Shwa show, so nobody seemed to mind the soggy midget in their midst. I'll get the poised and elegant thing down one of these days. Just not anytime soon.