Tuesday, December 20, 2005

The Things You Don't Think About

It comes as no surprise to me that ending a six-year relationship is no picnic. By and large, most of the stuff that sucks the most about it is obvious enough to not bear mentioning. It's more the stuff you don't think about that sticks in the craw -- the logistics, the mundane details of ordinary life, etc. To whit, the little things that suck the most:

1. When signing over the lease to the car, having to say that you sold it to the other person for $1.00, because sales tax is less than gift tax. Or something. I'm still not entirely clear on that one...

2. Actually being given the dollar for the car.

3. Realizing that unless you spend an entire Sunday burning CDs, most of your conjugal music collection will be gone.

4. Spending that Sunday burning CDs.

5. Having to change the lease, the insurance, the emergency contact information, the veterinarian records...

6. Tabulating year-end expenses necessitates a transaction-by-transaction trip down memory lane.

7. Getting sentimental at astoundingly awful songs and television moments. I understand getting a bit weepy at some stuff, but not the finale to My Fair Brady or songs with verses like I know you well/I know your smell/I'd share a lifetime with you. If this is ever you -- Seek. Help. Now.

8. Finding the requisite shirts that were left behind and having to ship them along.

9. Realizing that all the catsitters of days gone by were friends of significant other's -- making you That Person That Has To Cut Her Vacation Short To Come Home and Scoop The Cat's Shit.

10. The contents of the Victoria's Secret drawer look awfully silly now.

11. Explaining the situation to the doorman.

12. Explaining the situation to the cat (see final instructions of item 7).

13. Changing the Pictures section on the website...eventually.